You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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