Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize