Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
