Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
