nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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