My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
