I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
