i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize