true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
