She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
