There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I love having hate sex.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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