On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
