a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
