this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize