We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
