i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
