Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize