I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
