Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
