i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
