Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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