So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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