there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
