thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize