Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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