I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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