I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
