Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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