At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
