She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
