I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
