Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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