Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
