That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
