okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Randomize
