Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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