Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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