You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
