u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
