i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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