I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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