I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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