The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
