you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
