I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
did i just pee glitter
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
