Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
