drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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