I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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