Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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