i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
