2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
