I'm gonna have a badass scar
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
