nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize