just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
