Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
