Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize