I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
