I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
