if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
