can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
