What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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