Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
