Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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