I wanna bring you to show and tell
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
