Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
