his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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