I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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