This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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