Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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