Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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