So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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