He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
