I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
