mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
