I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
