I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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