I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
