I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
