Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Bring me that man meat
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
