it hurts more in the daytime
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
