My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
