tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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