she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
