is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
