True but thats because hes a fetus.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
