Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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