I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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